Rough Start to the 2012 Season-Part 1 Costa Rica

I started my season at Costa Rica Rev3 triathlon a few weeks ago. The race location was amazing, and the course a killer......It just took us a while to get there. My husband Rob and I left 6 am on Friday morning from Ohio and didn't arrive to the race venue at Reserva Conchal until Saturday about 3pm. And mind you the race started Sunday at 6am. We had all sorts of travel delays with the airline due to maintenance issues, crew duty, and plan availability. An extra day in Chicago airport was not on my race weekend plans.
When we arrived finally, all of the Rev3 staff were just so kind in helping me get everything done I needed to get done, and helped me try to destress. One of many reasons I love doing the Rev3 series is that they really take care of their athletes and will do anything to make the experience a A +.
So we started putting my bike together and realized that one of my band new carbon race wheels, with zero miles on them, had been broken. So on top of being late, I had bike issues. We got the mechanics to glue the carbon together, as that was the only option at this point. I went out for a short swim and did a little spin on my bike to test myself out on the giant hills right out of transition. It all just seemed so whirlwind. We went right to dinner and right to bed.
By 4 am I was up and getting ready to race. We got to the site on time and I was feeling like I had a good night sleep. I got to the start line and all I could think of was, "how did I just get here?" It was like a blur. And we were off. My race didn't go very well. My training has been great, so I was really hoping to see improvements in my performance. No such luck. As soon as I got on the bike I could tell my legs were dead. I rode hard and did what I could but I knew my energy level was not where it should be....rested. Then came the run. Tough run as the first 1.5 miles are on sand. It got hotter and hotter as the minutes went on. I hadn't been in 95 degrees heat since last summer. I live in the north, ya know. So having like 16 hours of acclimation wasn't enough, of course. It just all did not fall into place for me how I would have imagined. There will always be uncontrollable factors in every race. Sometimes you can do something about them, sometimes you can't.

I slept for most of the day after the race.Sorta funny since you'd think we were in Costa Rica and should do something vacation like, I just didn't have the energy. Rob and I did get a chance to surf and horseback ride the next day, so it wasn't a whole loss of a trip.

                                                     Teresa Nelson and I  in ice bath
I didn't do document the trip very well, but I did get to make some new friends, and I want to show how Rev3 adds that little touch to every race experience. Real coconut water drinks at the finish for all and the coldest ice baths Iv'e ever been in at the hottest race.
Thanks Krista, Charlie, and the whole Rev3 team for helping me out and also putting on another fabulous race. Looking forward to seeing you all at Quassy. And of course thanks to my sponsors, Power Bar, Blue Seventy, Fuel Belt, and Rudy Project for supporting me this season. However, the BIGGEST shout out must go to HED cycling for getting me back in working order in less than a week after returning to the States and getting my wheels situated for me. These guys really can work some magic. (well as long as they have coffee)

Time to get the year started!

It's race time!!! Finally!!! My body is ready, my mind is ready, and my heart is ready.

It has been a long winter for me. The weather not so brutal here in Ohio, but having spent the last two winters training with other people in warmer climates, the lonely inside winter has been tough. Its the mental stuff that gets me when I am cooped up in a basement all day, cracking the whip on myself physically and only me to motivated myself.  There were plenty of good days, but also a few bad ones. This is how life is in general. Every day can not be perfect. I started looking at my training different; one workout at a time, one interval at a time. The more I stay present the easier it is to make it through the tough ones.

I will say though, that I think this experience will make me stronger, happier, and appreciative as the 2012 season goes on. I have made some changes to my routine, including a new coach and style of training. I am much more focused on intensity, strength and measuring my progress and improvements on a regular basis. In the last three months, I have been able to see my physical improvements by having goals in each of my workouts and watching what was once impossible become not so impossible anymore. When I sit back and can see the progress it is a great feeling. Now I just need to get out there and see what I can do, and see where I build from there on out.

So this weekend, I will toe the line at Rev3 Costa Rica Olympic race. Although the short stuff isn't my preference, I really think it is important to be versed in every side of the sport. It will be good to push and test myself in a field of outstanding athletes. I love the way that Rev3 puts on a race and I'd be lying if I say the destination wasn't a draw. Being in the cold for winter makes this a perfect end to my cabin fever! I'll probably need lots of sun screen though, no sun on this whitey in a while.

Ironman Arizona 10hr or bust

Well I am finally finished with my rookie year as a professional triathlete. Boy was it interesting! Lots of ups and a few downs, but overall if was an amazing year of learning how to run with the big dogs. I am happy to say that I finished on a high note and that I will be reporting back for a second season to see where I can challenge myself next.

Ironman Arizona turned out to be a wonderful way for me to complete the race season. I went in knowing that my competition was tough, and that there was a big field racing this ironman. For this race it was only about me and my goals to achieve. I set my one big goal for this race to finish under 10hrs. I knew it was doable if I could stay present and have faith in my fitness.

Race morning was the usual mass of athletes running around like an army of ants. Everyone focused on their own mission to complete. I prefer to arrive early as I would rather be sitting around with nothing to do, than running around stressed out that I had too much left to set up. So I was finished setting up early, and took some time just to sit and relax and be calm. It's not the easiest things to do, but when you are around such great energy, you can't help but be grateful for being in a place that you dream of and strive for everyday.

When the pros got into the water it was still pretty dark and the water temps were frigid. I did discover this year I enjoy swimming in the cold water and once you get your face in, it is never really that bad. I just hate when the water is too cold and I over heat in the wetsuit. So 60 degree water was just perfect for me. We got a 2 minute warning for the start and then no other warning. The gun went off and kind of startled me. I took off. It always takes me a few minutes to get my rhythm and to weed though the bodies. Once I got going I knew I would be in the back of the pack but that if I could stick with at least a few athletes, I'd be happy. I was able to keep a few girls and one guy about 10yrds right in front of me for almost the entire swim. I was feeling good that although I was in the back I wasn't alone and was keeping pace. The first bridge seemed to come very fast and then to the turn around. I felt strong and just tried to keep up that pace. Not long after going back under the bridge both of my calves cramped up for a min or so. My legs were cold and I just had to kick it out or otherwise I wouldn't be able to make it through the swim or maybe worse. So I slowed a and kicked out the cramps. At that point I wasn't able to pick my pace back up and I was getting tired as well. I trucked through the last .25 miles of the swim. That is when I was being caught by the age groupers. I had a few small packs blow over me and just tried to hang on any little bit that I could. This swim time turned out to be my worst Ironman swim ever. I don't know how because it felt much more smooth and controlled as others. Needless to say, I am back in the water already with a swim coach and focusing my off season training on my swim. I will get there people, I will get there.

T1 wasn't as complicated as it looked in the set up. It flowed really well and didn't take me long to get on my bike. The air was a little cool, but nothing anyone couldn't handle as their body heat would rise soon.
I did not mind the three loop course. The first loop went fast. The trip out on the loop goes a little uphill and was against the wind on that first loop. As I turned around, it was awesome. Downhill and with the wind helped me gain over 1.5mph average on the way back into Tempe. As I was reaching the turn around I saw a group of people with purple shirts on jumping up and down and screaming my name. I flew past and had no idea who they were. So funny, because when I came back past them, it was my family. All of them were wearing homemade shirts with different triathlon picture of me ironed on the front. It was the Spitler crew.  I started laughing, and then was filled with joy because they all wanted to surprise me and be my biggest supporters of the day. I really appreciate all the time and effort they spent being in Tempe. Being an Ironman spectator is not an easy task.

                                                                Photo by Jay Prasuhn
Second loop was just another loop to me. It felt same as the first and I stayed at an even pace. I really feel I picked the best set up for me for this race on my bike. I knew that my HED disc was the best  choice wheel for this type of course and it really assisted me in keeping such a fast pace for most of the bike portion of the race. I was comfortable down in my aero position and couldn't be more grateful for that. 112 miles is a long time to be hunched over and as long as I am comfortable it is usually going well.
As I started the third loop I knew something was different. I was tiring a little but heading outbound it did not feel too awful. GREAT!!!! As I approached the turn around all I could think of was, I'm home free. Little did I know that the wind had drastically turned and that the next downhill portion was going to be the toughest part of the whole race. It was like getting smacked in the face. The wind was so strong that even going downhill I was losing my average mph and pushing as hard as I could. It was rough.
I really dug deep on the way back into transition and just gave it everything I had. I was really happy with the overall time of my bike. It was a good course. I never got jammed up with athletes on the course and there was plenty of aid around. It was not the most scenic, but there were always people around which always helps me push myself.

As I ran into T2, my teammate Donna Phelan, was there to greet me and cheer me on. Donna was coming off of an injury and had planned to pull out on the run. She had a stellar swim and bike, so I'm pretty sure she was happy with the day. It was so nice that she stuck around. It made such a difference having her say encouraging words to me. T2 is always a place of high anxiety for me and it is the part of the race I hate the most. So thank you Donna for keeping me together and reminding me of the good things to come in the race.

The run started out really great for me. I am not a usual fan of a three loop run, but this run course was more than perfect. Just like the bike there was always someone around on the run. Whether it was spectators or athletes, I was never alone. The fact that the three loops do a figure eight was really cool too. I was able to see my family over ten times on the course. That is just something that most races do not provide. Ten opportunities to get an energy pump.

I felt really great the entire run up until mile 18. I was going under 8 min miles and just pacing along well. At mile 18 I hit a little bonk. It wasn't that I was in muscle pain, it was that I was just getting really exhausted. I had kept up my nutrition just fine and was keeping hydrated. I just hit a wall. I walked the aid stations only from mile 18 to 21. After that I saw I had about an hour left to reach my ten hour goal. I knew if I stopped all walking and went as fast as I could without pushing myself to too much muscle fatigue, I would make it. So there I went. I just dig deep and got back on the horse. The last two miles were just about looking straight forward and reaching the finish.

AND....I made it!! The finish was slightly anticlimactic. Athletes have to run through a parking lot with a bunch of cars and semis and you really don't know where you are going. Once you hit the last turn you are in the finish shoot and it is over. I did shed a few tears when I crossed. I knew I had made my goal and kept my head together for the entire race. This was a success for me! I knew I could do it and it meant so much to end the season in a place where I felt good.

Thank you so much to everyone that was out there cheering me on. It really meant a lot. Thank you to Mom, Michelle, Karen, Katy, Chris, Rob, Kathy, Derick, Sue, and Siri! Seeing you guys out there on the course made my day. It was such a wonderful day, a good Ironman, and a fantastic way to end my season. I am spending the next month taking it easy, and enjoying not being on a strict training plan, but of course, still keeping up some fitness. Looking forward to a little vacation in the sun without a bicycle, and spending downtime with my family and friends over the holiday. After that it will be on! I am more excited and motivated than I have ever been to make next year even better than this one. I am still able to live my dream everyday and I am grateful.

Happy Holidays!!!

Austin 70.3

It has been two weeks since the race and I am usually not so delayed in my reports. However, I jumped right into the last build for my season and preparing for Ironman Arizona. Needless to say I have been busy and tired. Anyway, this race was a good one but not much exciting to say.

I used to live in Austin for training so I was excited when I decided to do this race after completing Rev3 South Carolina. I was feeling great coming off of that race and wanted to keep up the good racing vibe.
Race day was like most others. I got there early, had time to warm up, and get calm. I have to say the swim felt like one of my worst of the season. Right at the gun I got smashed between two girls and held back a second, then felt like I just kept swallowing tons of water and couldn't get under control. But to my surprise my time was about two minutes faster than normal....so who knows. Guess going in without expectations is always good, and sometimes you'll do even better. I was pretty happy about that. As I exited the water there were some of my Texas friends screaming for me and that always feels nice. The run through transition seemed long, but ya just never know.

As Im leaving T1, Steve Rakel, the dad of one of my favorite teammates, Kathy, was there cheering me on along with his wife, Michelle. He was running beside me for about half a mile down the road. It was just the best positive energy for me as I was setting out to hunt down the girls. I had a great ride. This course is a little hilly, but compared to the majority of the other races I've done this season, this one didn't seems so bad. I was really happy. I had talked to Vince at HED cycling about my wheel choice and he was spot on. Being a former Austinite and triathlete, I trusted his choice. I went with my  HED Jet disc wheel in the back and my Jet 6 in the front. I flew. I would say that last 20 miles were pretty windy, but I still felt strong and focused. I passed about 5 girls on the bike.

Happy with that I set out on the run and feeling decent. I wanted to build the 3 loop course, so I didnt go out too hard off the bat. The run is pretty hilly which was a little challenge with the speed but didnt stop me from pushing up the hills. After the first loop the wind started to pick up a lot and the heat was turned up to max. It was a fight with the elements getting tougher, but I was able to set into my groove and speed it up the second lap. By the third I was getting a little tired, but kept at the pace I was at on second loop. My time wasn't my fastest but with the challenging run course and comparing to the other female pros, I am proud of my run and glad I kept present and focused during the run.

I am so happy that I got to race this event. I also had a really great time seeing my old friends and meeting some new ones. I have to say thank you to my dear friend, Vicki Ford, for being a wonderful friend, host, and crowd support. She really made this trip all possible for me. It felt a little like home.
Also thank you to Mr. and Mrs. Rakel for being my parents for the day. I couldn't believe how much they reached out to support me even though we had never met before. It was such a pleasure to met them and the energy they provided me on race day made a huge difference. Thank you for caring so much.
And of course, thank you to my sponsors who make the day possible for me. Blue Seventy, Rudy Project, and most of all HED Cycling for the super fast bike ride and guidance in making that happen.

Rev3 Anderson, South Carolina

 The first thing I have to say about this race is, FIRST CLASS! This was my second Rev3 race, but first racing as a professional. I chose this race after IMWI because I was looking for something that would be fun, pressure free for me, and a beautiful course. Well my intuition was correct in choosing this race and the next direction in my season.
  Prior to the race, there was a lot of communication from the race directors and professional field organizers. I just felt that they way they reached out gave positive energy to the event even before I got there. The Rev3 series makes sure that they not only include the athletes in on all the information surrounding the weekend events, but they also include optional activities for the entire family, for those who make the trek with the entire gang. This particular weekend they offered hot air balloon rides, family scavenger hunts, and other various fair type activities for children and adults. They really make sure to keep the weekend relaxed, fun, and energized.
    I was lucky enough to have a connection with a wonderful family who were very gracious to opening their home to myself, and Kate Major for the weekend. They live on Lake Hartwell close to all of the weekend events. It was so convenient and comfortable. I am very lucky to have such welcoming friends.

 I was very calm race morning. It was quite cold and dark, which has been a change over the last month. Everyone were in their sweats and hats and gloves. I loved it! However, the water was still warm enough for the pros, so not wetsuits were allowed. I know that the swim is my least strong event of the race but this morning I was ready to take it on and do my best. I dove in with confidence and took off able to hang on a few girls feet. I was actually in a group. Eventually there were two of us swimming together. We took turns pulling the entire swim. I came out of the water feeling faster, confident, more calm than any other swim this year. However, the end result time for the swim was not much better than my other swim. You never know though, sometimes courses can be long and time really should matter too much. I felt happy and for me that is all that mattered.

  I tried something different for this race. I had put a lot of pressure on myself for the past few races and I realized that with expectations of times and performance, I didnt do as well as when I just go out there race hard and love what I am doing. So this race I did not use any watches, Garmins, or computers. I just went with how I felt. I love it. So I got into the bike course, took in my surroundings, put my head down and went hard. The course was so beautiful. It was also more challenging than I suspected. I did drive the course, but when it comes down to it, driving hills and riding hills are completely different. The hills were not horrible just plentiful. The course offered a lot of ups and down, little flat stretches, and lots of turns. It really kept me on my toes and focused on the present. Perfect for me....and with no timing devices to get wrapped up in speeds and times, I listened to my body and believed in the feeling. I stayed with my senses. Listening to the bike sound rhythms and cheers of the crowd, smelling the fresh fall air, seeing the changing fall colors, and staying present, really put me in the best place possible. Before I knew it I had passed four professional women by mile forty. Coming into transition, I did not feel exhausted or discouraged on being down on time. I came in feeling calm, focused, and ready to take on the run.
    I didn't feel perfect when I started running, but I mentally was in a really good state of mind and knew that I would be able to push thought the physical feelings. The first two miles tend to be the hardest for me. After that I get into a rhythm and good pace, I can go for a while. The run course was also set up nicely. For the first 6 miles we ran though a series of park paths and turning corners I was able to see how far ahead other competitors were from me. There were some hills. A few short and a few slow inclines. It was a fair and challenging run. I stayed in the present moment, just as I did on the bike course. I took in everything around me. Being a Sunday morning, the town was peaceful and relaxed, just as I needed to be.
  When I made it to the turn around I could see that Stephanie Jones was about a minute back from me. I felt confident if I stayed at my current pace I would be able to hold her off. And I held it until mile 12. Ahead of me I saw another racer in front of me. She sort of came out of nowhere. My sometimes questionable, hunting competitive instinct, kicked in hard. I was actually in the mix of a group and fighting for a spot. I went harder, we went up and few up hills and down hills, I got closer. I could feel the pain kicking in as well. It was so close to the end though that it didn't matter. I hit the mile 13 sign and gave it all I had. However, Jones had a tad more kick than me. In the last 100 meters she passed me and the racer in front of me and beat us by seconds. Congrats Stephanie for the amazing fight to the end.
  I placed 12th, in the end, but was only 30 seconds from 9th place. What a confidence builder for me! I took the pressure of expectations away, stayed present, raced hard, and got to compete to the very last step with a great group of athletic women. My goal for this race was accomplished. I gained back my racing confidence and learned new ways of competing that work better for me. Most of all, I had an awesome time and really enjoyed being a triathlete. I am so grateful to be able to live the life of my dreams. We all have ups and downs in our lives but every moment you are supposed to be where you are at that time. There are many unknown reasons for the direction our life takes, but the journey is what really makes us fantastic individuals. Do what you love!!!!

Thank you to all of the Revolution staff and volunteers, especially Charlie and Krista for taking such great care of all of the athletes. What a classy event! I am really excited to jump head first into this series next year.
Also thank you to my sponsor HED cycling for the awesomely light Jet Disc wheel I used for this race. I could feel I was flying.
Finally, congratulations to all of the athletes on a great race including teammates Magali Tissyere for the win, and Kate Major, who took the overall  Rev3 series win.

Cheers,

Erin

Ironman Wisconsin 2011

   I was super happy and excited to be back in Madison for Ironman this past weekend. Madison, Wisconsin is one of my favorite places in the country. Along with having some amazing friends that live there, the town is the most athlete friendly town I have ever visited. Tons of bike paths, running trails, pools, and plenty of open water for unlimited summer activities. Unlike Ohio, it seems like everyone is involved in some activity. It is very refreshing and sets an awesome reputation for the Midwest.

  I could not believe that Ironman was here already. This was the most amazing race of my triathlon adventures in 2010, so knowing that I had spent a year planning and training for this race was a little unbelievable. However, I felt very ready and confident to take on this 2011 challenge knowing that my athletic abilities have improved tons this year with new coaching and intensity.

  Race morning was very calm. Even though most of us don't sleep well with night before with anxiety, the morning is usually peaceful for me. I know I have done what I can to prepare and the race is just a time to celebrate all the hard work. There is no more or less you can do race morning except let go and jump in!!! The water was perfect, not warm, not cold, flat, and semi clear. I had time to warm up, making sure I got into the water early before the masses. The pros were all together and there was great energy right before the gun. I was feeling like I might actually be able to hold on to some feet this race.
So off we go, and I hung on.....for a few hundred meters, then I was alone. I was feeling sorta bummed. I still have trouble going out hard at the beginning. I think I'm doing well, but everyone else can go hard too. The good thing is that I could see a few of the girls just meters in front of me and focused on keeping them in sight. I did fine for the first lap, but by the second lap the gap got bigger as I did not have any draft to ease up the swim a little. So I just gave it what I had and got through.  My time was about 6 minutes longer than I knew I could swim. However, its such a long day and race, that I could not get caught up on a long swim.

  I have to say though, coming out of the water in Madison is something that everyone ever racing ironman should experience. I swear its fricking amazing! There are a mass of wetsuit strippers all ready, waiting, and skilled at their task. Once off, the long transition begins. It may be the longest but it is the most fun and perfectly staged transition. All athletes have to run up a parking lot helix that is 4 levels, and it is lined with the loudest, most energetic crowds. Running uphill after swimming 2.4 miles is not an easy task, but with screams so loud and encouraging there is no way that you are motivated to fly. I saw every one of my friends on the helix. I knew they would be there and their cheers filled me up with some amazing adrenaline.

   I got out on the bike and felt great. I knew this course really well, and had it broken up into parts to focus on each section as I got to it. First lap felt really awesome, even though the winds were starting to pick up a bit more than expected. It wasn't anything I could not handle. My favorite section is when we ride up the hills at Old Sauk Pass, Timberline, and Midtown. The support for the riders at the most difficult part of the ride is fabulous. On Timberline, the crowds are like a mini Tour De France. People lined the street in costumes, banging drums, and running by your side as you ascent the steep hills. The motivation and energy I experienced as I went through those sections is something I wish I could hold on to throughout the entire ride. We all know that 112 miles is tough and presents ups and downs, and can get quite lonely. The spectators out there in the farm fields of Wisconsin really make a huge difference for the athletes living out their goals and dreams. Thank you to all of the spectators for making a difference in our day.
  
 The second lap did come around though and I wasn't feeling as strong. The winds picked up  a bit as well. I hammered as hard as my body was willing and finally did make it back into town. My time was, again, a bit longer than I had predicted I could race. Afterward, comparing gps results, the course had been 2 miles long. Not that it makes any difference because I was still off, but looking back made me feel a little better.

  T2 was a breeze, even though when I got of of my bike I wobbled around for a few seconds before being able to run into the building for my bag. I got my shoes on and started running. Instantly, I got really nervous. I didn't feel confident that this was going to be a strong run for me. My running has been better than ever in training the past few months, and I predicted I would be hunting people down on this leg. I got into my head....damn it!!!!! The first few miles were a struggle for me, as they are for most everyone, but I did a little run walk thing to get a grip on myself. I still had a long way to go. When I ran, I was running just over 7 minute miles, so what was my problem!!!! My body settled into feeling ok, and same with my mind. I got into a pace I could hold, although not as strong or  fast as I knew I could run. The back side of the loop has some nice shade and it was hotter than last year, so I was grateful for that. I walked the aid stations and was able to pick up a nice stride after each mini break. When the second lap came around, I saw my parents cheering for me and got a pep in my step. This was their first ironman spectating experience. I was really happy to see them. I needed it. So the next 6 miles when pretty good. I could see where a few other professional gals were in front of me at the turn around. Unfortunatly, I didn't believe that I would be able to catch them. With 7 miles to go and tiring, it just didn't seem possible. This is not a good way to think. Anything is possible if you want it to be. In conclusion,  I made it to the finish with a good last 3 miles of digging deep. I didn't quit and crossed another finish line becoming, once again, and Ironman.

   Although, not my most stellar race, I am very grateful for the experience. Madison is just such a wonderful town and place to race. I would not give this day back for anything! I learned a lot about myself, where I am physically and mentally. I had put so much pressure on myself for this race that I think parts of it backfired on me. Last year I came into this race, my first ironman, without any expectations. The outcome was more than I had ever believed would happen in a million years.  I truly believe this is the best way to race. I must just do my best without any expectations set on my performance. Every race is different, even on the same course. Every moment plays out just as it is intended. I took a long time to reflect on the ups and downs, positives and negatives of the day. I do remember that I am still fairly new at the sport and just learning how to race. I am blessed to be able to compete against some of the most outstanding athletic women in the world. I learn a lot from them and am very grateful for the opportunity.




  

Giving in Before the Fat Lady Sang

Last Saturday I had my worst performance of the year as a professional athlete. I felt like anything but a triathlete. I got to experience one of the worst feelings you can have in racing. Giving in to the mental game before the game was over.

The morning of the race I can say that I was feeling more confident than ever, and like I was just going to hammer down and really show up. I am in the best shape of the life right now. Strong and fully faithful in my training. I stood at the water's edge and saw myself giving everything I had. And I did...at the beginning. I took off with the girls and was able to stay with them for about 4 minutes. That's a big success for me. I am really a work in progress in the water and could see this as a great start to the race. I was dropped, but was able to keep the pack in my sights ahead for most of the race. I made the last turn and headed down the homestretch feeling good. A fast age group male came up on me and I tacked on to his feet and picked up the pace heading home. WHAM! I am really unsure of what happened, but in my second of seeing stars, I knew I had been smacked in the face with a kayak paddle. I don't know how he missed my HOT PINK SWIM CAP, but I think he was backing out of the way and brought his paddle backwards right into my face and slicing open my lip. Thank goodness at the time I didn't know I was hit that bad.

As I ran out of the water, I made the first mistake and worst mistake of the day. I felt like I swam so hard and I wanted to know my time. I asked my husband that was on the shore. When I told me it was the worst time of my season, I was like "no f'ing way that is possible!!!!" I'm still standing by that the course was long as most of the times were long, but why did that even matter. My time didn't matter. I should have never asked. The race is still in progress. No time matters except the finish and going as hard as you can and keep on pushing until the end. Regardless I was behind, so shame on me for starting the mind games.

Jumping on the bike I was feeling furious with myself, or trying to figure out that Rob was wrong. I hammered down in an angry like rage.  I also had blood running down my leg from my lip, but I didn't care. My speed was awesome and I was making up for the crap performance in the water. Although an easy bike course there was a nice headwind for the better part of the ride and a slight false flat as I made the first turn around into the wind. I saw my average mph dropping, and started the negative talk to myself. Mistake #2! Change the negative thoughts with positive ones. I thought I was pushing, but looking back now I was distracted by my own thoughts. They were everywhere except focused on the road ahead of me. After a bit I was able to get my focus back on track, but I think it was a little too late at this point. I flew by a few girls and just hammered it until I got back into T2.

My transition was not as smooth and fast as normal. I got onto the road and got into my rhythm as best I could. I saw my husband at mile 1 and instantly I got down again. I told him I felt like crap and from that point I had it in my head that I was feeling like crap and performing like crap. I really was going a lot better than I thought, but I couldn't see that through the jungle of thoughts I let take over. I ran fine until about mile 4.5 when I started to see the other girls coming back around. At that point I wanted to quit. Thank goodness I didn't. That would have been an even worse feeling than the way I felt after the race. I was physically fine, so that would have been disastrous. There isn't much else to say about the rest of the race. I walked the aid stations, blood running down my face, and just trotted along to make it to the end. I got too down on myself and didn't use the tools I have to change those thoughts into positive ones.

There was no way that I thought this day would turn out the way it did. I didn't fight the pain, and I didn't stand up to myself for a chance to be the best I could be. I just gave into the negative. This is the first time this has ever happened to me in a race. I felt devastated and ashamed of my behavior. I am stronger than this. I am a warrior. I will fight back.

I am a firm believer in the saying that, "everything happens for a reason." I live by this motto a lot. I know that there are lessons to be learned, and obstacles to bound. It took me a good whole day of contemplation and soul searching to really think through what happen and realize that this day was meant for me to learn how to handle myself when I struggle and prepare me for the next time I am faced with a similar situation. I know everyone experiences a bad race in different ways. This bad race for me was one of the worst emotional experiences I've had in a long time. It felt awful. I didn't dig deep enough into the real true self that I know, and push for what I want more than anything. I can be assured, though, that I never ever want to feel this way again. And when the time comes when I am faced with a difficult and trying racing situation again, I will remember this race, how I reacted, how I felt, and choose the path that will lead me to the most rewarding outcome.

"Accept what comes to you totally and completely so that you can appreciate it, learn from it, and then let it go." ~Deepak Chopra